Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
