I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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