First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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