I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
