The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
