So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
