Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize