Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize