I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
