Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
