if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
