Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You made out with two different species that night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
