Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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