so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
