I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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