Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
