I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize