I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
