I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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