can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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