it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
