When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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