no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sorry about my life...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
