Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
