we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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