just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
