I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
