Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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