DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
