Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
