I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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