Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
