What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
