I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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