just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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