You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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