As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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