how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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