Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
