You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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