So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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