I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
