You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize