I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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