her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
