How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
