I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
