Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
