I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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