Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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