If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize