remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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