Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Screwed.edu
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize