Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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