I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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