dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
