Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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