I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize