We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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