I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am available for nakedness
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
