Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
