worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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