I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize