Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
