if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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