he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
