I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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